Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
