I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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