he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
