Whats the glycemic index on semen?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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