I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
