Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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