so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
