I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched