I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize