break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
