youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
