where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob