We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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