That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high