I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms