I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
