he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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