I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
there is glitter all over my balls
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