I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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