is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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