you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
