i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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