My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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