I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
