I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
