I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
