We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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