Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
