omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
