you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
