i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
