I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
her vagine was all disorganized.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
