she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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