I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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