I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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