I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
