Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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