Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and she was petting her beer can
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
