I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Houston, we have a blender
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
