So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
