its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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