Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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