Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
