Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
