The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
