i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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