someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
