You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
