I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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