why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why do cheetos always look like penises
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
