got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
