I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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