she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
