Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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