How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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