my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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