There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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