The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
