I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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