Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
