I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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