I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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