New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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