On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
