Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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