last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
