So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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