We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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