All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
