Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
