May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
