woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
