you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
