I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
