They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
