Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
