I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The adults are the big ones right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
