So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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